Deadlines

I've been meaning to update for the past week or so. It's been an excessively busy week . . . and a lot of it has been stress regarding the upcoming exam. There's just too much to know!! Even though I've been studying for two weeks, I feel like I barely know the material any better, which makes the whole process all the more exhausting.

I'm actually losing my mind a little . . . I'll forget where I put something, less than ten seconds after I set it down. It's like being drunk, without the sloppy carefree joy and senselessly heightened self-esteem. I feel like I have stress-induced hypoglycemia. If I don't eat every few hours, I get nauseous and light-headed. The feeling gets progressively worse until it's pretty much debilitating, even after I eat something. My answer? Eat. Simple enough.

Excited to see the family over Thanksgiving, though I think I might be a little ambitious to take on a twelve-hour drive after the effect this exam is having on me. (On the other hand, maybe I'll be on a high-energy kick once it's over with.) I'm especially thrilled to see Mahlon & Layla; I don't like that they're growing without me!! (How dare they!)

Must remember to get an oil change tomorrow . . .

In other events-- learned how to feel a liver this week. (It's not easy.) I met up with my preceptor and reviewed a video-taped history-taking session, which wasn't quite as embarrassing as I figured. Thursday night I volunteered at a clinic through TempleCARES at a local women's shelter. I got to practice talking to patients, and I got some exposure to almost disturbingly real scenarios. I enjoyed it though, and it was well worth the two hours of study time I sacrificed. There were a lot of kids running around the shelter, most of whom wanted attention from us. I helped one little girl listen to her heart with my stethoscope.

Getting late. Need sleep for energy tomorrow.

Incredibly Idle

The school decided to do a massive network test after lecture today... I think they're just trying to get as many people online as possible to see if we can crash the server. And of course, to synchronize three to four hundred users, it takes some organization, it takes some time . . . Time which I could be using to actually do something. Or to rest.

Funny thought: during undergrad, I never would've started studying for an exam -- even a final exam -- two weeks in advance. A funnier thought is that I won't ace it -- which actually has little to do with my intelligence and more to do with the amount of material.

In undergrad, I never would've been satisfied with 79% on an exam. Funny thought.

Metabolizing

I am a lecture and a half behind. Forget even thinking about reviewing! My current enemy: metabolic pathways of amino acids. Seriously. There's a different pathway for each one, and they all have synthesis, degradation, interconversion, transamination, and a large pool of products they can make. It's enough to make your brain explode.

So, even though class was blissfully over at noon today, I'm in the library with my notes and every color highlighter I could find, and I'm not leaving until I've absorbed this week's material. And maybe reviewed a little. This is no time to be distracted by Jon Stewart. Or by blogging.

Tonight would be good for scary movie night.. If no one in the class is interested, I'll do it myself :)

Looking Ahead (and behind)

Final exam in two weeks. Time has a way of creeping up on me. Feeling very behind. The librarian (he's ultra-cool) told me, when he saw me in the library on one of our days off a week ago: there is no getting ahead in med school. I told him, I'm aware of that; I'm just trying to get as little behind as possible.

Long day today. It's going to be an 8 to 5:30. (Approximately two hours of that time will not be taken up by class.) And this is an extra awesome design for a Monday, because it means I get to deal with horrible traffic both ways.

I've had very bad motivation lately; I'm not sure why. I've been incredibly tired, too. I slept a lot over the weekend, had really strange, vivid dreams. Had trouble making myself get out of bed (although if I'd had a commitment to get to, I'm sure I could have). Haven't treadmilled for about a week. Having trouble making myself focus when I study; it's very in-one-ear-and-out-the-other, which is very daunting when dealing with so much information. Not sure what's wrong with me. I don't think it's depression; I'm pretty good at identifying that. Don't feel like I'm getting sick, either. (This occurred to me at the Franklin, about halfway through my shift: a lot of people have been touching those plastinated organs . . . I'll be amazed if I don't get the flu!) Maybe it's just a minor burn-out. Maybe it's a matter of inertia.

Wanting to come home for Thanksgiving -- but do I fly or drive? (If the latter, I should be booking it soon. You know, the whole time-creeping-up-on-me thing.) And what do I do with Kitty for four days? (That litter box would get reeeaaallly full.) More things to think about . . .

Eat Fish, Live Longer

. . . . . . . Maybe.

Good News!!

I finally have internet in my apartment! (Just in time, too, because suddenly the lectures can only be viewed while online.) We got the modem connected on Saturday, and I spent most of the afternoon being angry because I couldn't get the wireless router to work. Yesterday, I enlisted a male classmate to fix it, luring him in with the promise of taco salad. (It's really good taco salad! I've been pretty proud of my culinary skills lately...) It actually took him a good while to figure it out -- which made me feel a bit better about my futile struggle... So now maybe I'll get more studying done while at school, now that I don't have to use my internet time for my essential crosswords and facebooking... Or maybe I'll just blog much more often. Or I'll end up skipping class because I get to bed way way later due to streaming cartoons in my bedroom. We'll see.

To sweeten the deal, we got the first six months for $20, instead of the regular $45 or so that was quoted on their pricing pamphlet. And the cable guy gave Mr. Kitty a new name: King Julian. (Madagascar, anyone?) It's actually very appropriate: he believes he's king, and acts like it, despite what anyone tells him or whatever might happen that proves otherwise.

SEPTA -- the Philly public transit system -- is on strike, starting at 3 AM today. This is sort of what we get for living in a pro-union city. SEPTA went on strike in 2005, lasting 7 days. Before that, there was a strike in the '90s that lasted 40 days... (It was, quite literally, of biblical proportions.) Times like this, I'm glad to live in the suburbs & drive!

trick or treat, smell my feet, give me pumpkin pie to eat

I sort of jumped right from Halloween into the Thanksgiving season. Allow me to explain . . . It was really Jess who sent me over the edge. Yesterday I received an extremely heartfelt package from her. I knew she was sending pics of the kids -- which I really wanted -- but she also sent chocolove bars, Bolivian alpaca wool mittens, and a warm, supportive card. I nearly cried. Then I thought about the hand-knit microbes Mom sent earlier last week. And I thought about the blissfully honest communication between me and Niles. And Jenni texting me just to ask how I'm doing. And Alisha's free hugs-on-demand. Thinking about all this last night, I just felt so incredibly lucky. Literally, it's incredible. It's beyond belief that I have all these people who not only think about me, care about me, love me, and support me, but who also will not rest until they're sure that I know it. Seriously-- what did I do to deserve this?

Lots of little things still anger me. It's getting too cold outside. Biochem is hard. We finally got internet set up in our apartment, but I can't get it to work. Internet Explorer mysteriously died on my computer. I stayed home all night and only got one trick-or-treater. But it's really all small stuff; I have to keep reminding myself of that.

On to less sappy events . . . . Apologies to anyone currently gagging.

So-- white coat ceremony was this Friday. When I was little, I honestly believed that conventions, ceremonies, and speeches would become less boring when I was older and actually cared about the subject. Now I think maybe we just get better at hiding the boredom. Anyhow, it was all a great success. Lots of clapping and cheering.

Bioscience midterm was Monday. WOW that made a rough start to the week. I still maintain that a good amount of questions on that exam were never, ever discussed in lectures. But I passed. The answer key was posted within a few hours, so no one had to sweat for too long. Still made for a stressful week. Had to recuperate on Tuesday, which automatically put me behind in the material for the final exam. I'm nearly caught up now.

Was ecstatic at the opportunity to talk with Mahlon. Jess had him call to say "happy white coat day," which was of course adorable. He speed-dialed me a little later (I don't think he knew it was me) to ask if I could go trick-or-treating, then told me he loved me. It's been a heart-warming sort of weekend . . .

And on that note, I should probably "for real" study, instead of pretend-study like I've mostly been doing today. We're deep in the belly of metabolism. It seems like I must be one of very, very few people in this world concerned about phosphorylases...